Why ADHD coaching makes sense
As a newly (or not so newly) diagnosed woman with ADHD, you may wonder how you should go about receiving support. There are a few options depending on your needs. Some women find it helpful to see a psychiatrist to start their journey with medication. Additionally, psychotherapy has been shown to have tremendous effects.
If therapy exists, why should I see an ADHD coach?
This is a really good question because I myself have seen various therapists in my life to support myself. Thus, I definitely support seeking out therapeutic services if your struggles are so rough that coping is no longer an option.
However, there are three reasons why I would recommend ADHD coaching instead:
Depending on where you’re reading this from, chances are high that waitlists to see a psychotherapist are very long. Some people wait up to 15 months to receive a regular therapy session slot. So, if time is of the essence and you want to get support earlier, coaching for ADHD could be a good option for you.
Many health care providers and, unfortunately, also therapists are not particularly trained in ADHD or neurodivergence. This often results in patients having to educate their therapists, which can be quite tiring if you’re actually the one needing the help. An ADHD coach / coach for ADHDers is specifically trained and/or has experience working with people on the spectrum. Many of them have ADHD themselves and can relate to your experience better.
Sometimes therapy just isn’t the right thing – and that’s okay! Especially if you are quite resourceful, then coaching with a more future-oriented approach might be a better option. In other words, if you are in a phase in your life where you want to move forward and turn ideas into action, then coaching it is.
Okay, so now that we have clarified this, perhaps you wonder...
What ADHD coaching can help you with
The terms “coach” and “coaching” are not protected, which means any coach can set their own specific focus. This is great because you get coaches with a breadth of expertise and knowledge that are combined in a clever way. I myself, for example, combine Gestalt-based coaching, embodiment coaching, somatic psychology, movement & yoga, and other awareness-based practices in my approach. The downside is that, sadly, there are also coaches who abuse this freedom to try and sell you stuff that doesn’t work (but that’s to be left for another blog post).
Also within the emerging ADHD coaching scene, I see various coaches specialising in particular niches. However, in the grand scheme of it all, you can expect to work on the following areas related to ADHD struggles:
Improves time management skills
Women with ADHD have a hard time managing their time, also because time seems to be a much more elusive concept to us than to neurotypical people. If I told you whether you, as an ADHDer, could finish a task in 5 minutes, most of you would probably say you could. If I now tell you that 5 minutes are only 300 seconds, what would be your answer? … This wee example shows that time for women with ADHD is either NOW or NOT NOW. ADHD-specific coaching helps you acknowledge that time is an issue and helps you recognize your resources and use them in new ways to hone your time management skills.
Enhances focus and concentration
Brains with ADHD are somewhat differently “wired,” which impacts how executive functions are performed. Executive functions comprise attention & focus, memory, switching between tasks, planning, impulse control, task initiation, organisation, and self-regulation. Our executive functioning system switches into gear when we are INTERESTED in a task, not if we must do it because it needs to be done. You might think now: Isn’t this normal? – I wish, but for neurotypical people, it is A LOT easier to “just do” the task whether they like it or not. They rarely have this incessant internal debate about whether or when they should start, unlike most ADHDers. Coaching helps you develop the awareness and skills needed to snap out of your daydreaming activities (or doom scrolling) but also to sustain attention more generally. It makes you realise that idling is not bad as such and can promote the skills required to orchestrate a better balance between creative idleness and focused, deliberate action.
Provides strategies for managing impulsivity
Being impulsive, blurting things out, interrupting in conversation, or spending money on an impulse can have tremendous impact on your social life, at work, your finances, and eventually your self-esteem. Uncovering why you are impulsive from a neuropsychological, but also an emotional perspective, and in which situations you have those patterns, are the first steps we undertake in coaching specifically for women with ADHD.
Helps in setting and achieving realistic goals
I can tell you: Women with ADHD are insanely creative and have the most amazing ideas – but boy, don’t we have enough time for all of these. Paired with unrealistic goal setting and believing you can pursue 23 different projects at the same time, ADHDers often set themselves up for failure or burnout at the sheer workload. The ensuing failure is then often accompanied with shame and a sense of self-doubt. Coaching for ADHD helps you prioritise which ideas you want to work on and keep at them in a way that is sustainable and won’t burn your energy levels to sub-zero.
Teaches techniques for better organisation and planning
Organising yourself and planning ahead can often feel insurmountable. On the one hand, writing a list and ticking off the boxes can be satisfying, but if the list gets too long, the mountain of work can quickly be overwhelming. In longer projects, ADHDers excel with drive and enthusiasm, but lack follow-through – also because there is no plan in place, and they do not remember where they left off and where to begin again. This can also happen for passion projects. ADHD coaching supports you in finding a way to develop a plan or guidance and to document said plan in a way that fits you without striving for perfectionism.
Aids in improving social skills and relationships
Many women with ADHD have polarising experiences with social contacts and relating to other people. Some had to face bullying and misunderstanding in younger years, which has left them feeling defeated. Others struggle in romantic relationships. Regardless of which relationship department, most women with ADHD have learned early in their life that they are different and that others respond to them differently. This experience, paired with hypervigilance in social situations, can develop into a heightened sense of rejection sensitivity and a sense of low self-worth. Depending on the approach, some deeper changes can be made by ADHD coaching. In my coaching services, I provide support for these matters, and we shed light on why and how relating to others may be impacted by your ADHD and other aspects of your life.
Reduces stress and anxiety related to ADHD
Due to their hyperactive and ruminating mind, which is a combination of an overactive default mode network (the daydreaming network) and the ability to hyperfixate on particular thoughts, ADHDers often create mental states for themselves that induce a lot of stress and in worse cases even anxiety and panic attacks. My embodiment and body-oriented approach to coaching can support you in identifying external stress factors and how to minimise them, but also teaches you practises to ground yourself in your body and feel safe again.
Assists in boosting self-esteem and confidence
Self-esteem and confidence are often issues for late diagnosed women. After years of not knowing why the world works somehow differently to you, you may feel tired and rejected. Whilst ADHD per se does not necessarily lead to low self-esteem, it is a major secondary consequence of an untreated or unsupported ADHD diagnosis. ADHD coaching can help you discern where this shows up for you, and how you can change the story about yourself. Sometimes, it is necessary to work deeper here where the line between coaching and therapy may get crossed. In my practice, I tell clients when this line is about to be crossed and whether they’d like to work further or not.
Encourages a better understanding of ADHD and how it affects you
Psychoeducation is a huge element of coping better with ADHD. There is a lot of misinformation online these days, and some myths are still very prevalent. If you want to learn more about this, check this blog post I wrote on these misconceptions. Getting educated on how ADHD affects your mind, brain, emotions, and life is an essential part of my work as an ADHD coach. It helps you realise that it is not your fault that some elements of life are just harder for you.
Offers support and understanding in dealing with ADHD
Coming to terms with a diagnosis or just managing life with ADHD is hard as fuck (sorry for the profanity, but that is just the truth!). Depending on your social circle, this can be incredibly isolating, as some people won’t immediately understand what you are going through. Speaking to an ADHD coach can alleviate the burden a little bit, as you can share your problems with someone who actually validates your experience and has gone through some of the issues you are facing now. It is a great way of realising you are not alone!
